Grrrrr... Arrrrrgh...

This installment was supposed to be formatted like the earlier installments-- that is, devoted to groups of 12" SW stuff that I've bought recently, with clever observations and occasional notes on my modifications. That text file has been growing for a few months now, and is pretty huge. But it's also really boring. I'm sure that there's no point in trying to impress you with how quickly I can spend so much money on such utterly useless stuff. There are plenty of pictures on the Internet of all the 12" Star Wars stuff, and there are real reviews of them too. Maybe I'll finish those articles some day, but in the meantime, it made more sense to write about some of the stuff I've had fun with. (Sorry to keep harping on this, but spending, unboxing, and displaying isn't anywhere near as much fun...)

JUMP TROOPER (The best thing about Hasbro's Stormtroopers is that they're funky enough that you can cut them up and feel absolutely no guilt.) Perhaps this should be named "JUMP TROOPER WITH FUNBAGS", since this started out as an attempt to make a Stormtrooper variant using a old, recycled femfig. Since this was one of my old transgenderized femfigs, it naturally had gargantuan hooters. It took three different femfigs for me to allocate the bodies appropriately; Grand Milf Helga (not shown) ended up with the largest pair; Ms. armored AT-AT commander (also not shown) got the slightly more modest pair, and this Jump Trooper got the figure with the swappable breast plates. Yes, it pains me to admit: Rigid, basketball-sized boobs do not go well under Stormtrooper armor. That was an admission that came late in the design process. To offset her original BUF silhouette, I tried to counterbalance with a huge backpack/jetpack. I'd also cut out the helmet's "face" and gave her helmet mounted goggles, but changed my mind (not Stormtroopery enough). As the concept evolved, she was envisioned to be an Imperial version of Boba Fett, or a special HALO-like trooper: Upon landing, she could doff all of her armor and skulk around in her skintight wetsuit, partially unzipped to expose generous cleavage-- the proper attire for slitting throats, karate kicking, and planting demolition charges. Mainly, it was fun thinking about the Stormtrooper uniform from a more conventional perspective (courtesy of all those DML dolls)-- shouldn't they at least carry a knife? Why not have the gun tethered to the armor with a quick release, so you wouldn't accidently drop the friggin' thing?

DUROS I hadn't sculpted anything in ages, so this was a quickie to see if I remembered how to do it. Actually, it started with the search through my collection of retired junk for any Star War-sy clothing that wasn't a Jedi robe; I'm not keen on tailoring, so if I can find something acceptable that's ready-made, I can spend that time more productively. The GI-Joe astronaut suit looked promising, and a Duros creature's head seemed to be a no-brainer. The Duros species appears to be ubiquitous in the Star Wars universe, so this guy can be re-costumed for a variety of different roles, in any timeline. He's a very practical guy to have around.

ALIEN FEMALE JEDI CREATURE THING This was another relatively quick & easy project, prompted by scholarly research (reading comics) and getting my first Triad femfig. This isn't the best use for Triad's "Otaku" figure since I've accepted the reduced articulation but not taken advantage of the figure's presentation-quality torso. However, I had no idea how I was going to costume the doll at the time-- I saw the face, visualized it without a nose, and thought that it would be ideal for a doll inspired by the "T'ra Saa" character in the comics. Basically, she's some kind of tree-like Jedi with branches for hair and large breasts (naturally). This isn't intended to be that character-- however, I did entertain the notion. I had a pair of green eyeballs ready, and experimented with making wired, flexible tree-branch hair... and the Otaku doll was a natural for the large-breasted thing. As I've said before, I'd rather not make characters with pre-written histories. When I look at my display of Sideshow Prequel dolls, I consider them as stories already told, as monuments to other folks' stories. I get more entertainment value from imagining my own. So... to make her Not-T'ra-Saa, I gave her big fluffy hair instead of branches and metallic alien eyes instead of green ones, while retaining a nice showcase for her plunging cleavage and startled nipples. Yep, that's a Hasbro "Qui Gon Jin" Jedi robe. I've gotten lots of mileage from Hasbro's robes-- Emperor Palpatine's & Obiwan's -- bordering on overuse. I prefer Hasbro's robes to Sideshow's because they just seem to drape right without endless neurotic futzing (once you clip out the elastic that's suppose to make it drape properly). As you can see below, they're extremely versatile... (and I need to get several more for our cats!)

ALIEN MALE SITH-LIKE GRINCH CREATURE (Wearing an Obiwan robe!) This is another one that was inspired by reading the comics, with an eye towards the Great Convergence. Huh? Wuzzat??? For what it's worth, the "Star Wars Universe" is Fantasy, not Science Fiction. If there's a distinction, I suppose it's that Fantasy can play a lot looser with the facts and physics of Reality. Fantasy allows Magic and odd anachronistic placements, and Star Wars covers a zillion worlds, the full spectrum of technology levels, and a huge span of time; therefore, you can do just about anything-- "Lord of the Rings", "Terminator", "Predator", etc.-- all under the banner of Star Wars. You can have primitives pitting spears and swords against Stormtroopers with blasters and droids with attitudes. Therefore, every doll I've made can probably fit somewhere into the world of Star Wars. The only things that don't fit are things that are formally claimed by another "world". That means that you can't throw a Predator into the realm of Star Wars (unless you're a comic book writer doing a crossover), but you can create a fearsome critter that does pretty much the same thing as the Predator. The reason that I mention the Great Convergence is that this dude is just a Grinch-like variation on the Demon Warriors that I made for the "Primal World/Medieval" theme. Aside from the Sith-like whiskers, the main differences are the costuming (this guy's not a warrior) and the level of technology implied by the (recycled backwards Aliens) helmet he's wearing. If the Demon Warrior's spears are altered to look more "high-tech", they're all suddenly part of a much bigger world that includes space travel, blasters, and alien races. In Star Wars, ceremonial robes and primitive artifacts may be combined and co-exist with the high-tech stuff.

ACME, A MUTANT TWI'LEK Yet another headpiece revision for this gal... Okay, my "research" ran across a critter named "Darth Talon", which looked awfully similar to this one, so I added some anemic head-tails and unplugged her wings. Again, it's not supposed to be Darth Talon... but I think that's a plus. I wasn't that impressed with the neo-Sith tattooing thing, and in some illustrations it looks like Darth Talon has a beard. Ugh. I left her tail plugged in and kept her horns, which makes her a mutant, or a different species... but who cares? The backstory isn't likely to make it outside of my imagination. As I said, the main limitation of this Great Convergence thing is that the subject shouldn't be formally claimed by another world. Although I made Nemesis as an Ultraseven antagonist, she's an original design that easily transfers to the world of Star Wars with the addition of a hooded cape: Voila! Darth Gnarlycups. Considering the sheer number of bizarre and unlikely aliens that inhabit the Star Wars universe, there really aren't many things that don't fit due to totally incompatible stylistic differences. However, I would consider Dadamama and Fearmu to be inappropriate, since they have a clearly identifiable "Ultraman" look (to me).

So... there ya go. Trust me-- this was much better than the original long-winded article (but I can't promise that portions of it won't appear in future articles).

Since this wraps up the year 2008 at this website, I feel that it's appropriate to acknowledge the real world out there: -Noted-

Yay: Obama. Boo: Cowboys. Go: Titans! Faster Pussycat, Spend! Spend! Spend!

-12/30/08